Kids deserve to grow as kids, with beautiful experiences and memories. As parents, we need to understand that we are the number one set of people our kids see, we are the first mirror they look at. So domestic violence or arguing in front of our kids is something we should avoid because it has adverse effects on them much more than we can think off.
Naturally, you will agree with me that kids deserve the maximum love and attention they could get so as to grow up the right way and with the right mentality.
Domestic violence is a poison that could have everlasting effect on our kids.
When parents fight or have extreme argument and the kids see everything, a message is being passed to their brain. But to what extent will this affect the kids. I guess we should find out.
Effects of domestic Violence on kids
Low self esteem
In one of my Articles, I explain that parents are the number people to either boost or kill the self-value of a child. When Dad beats mom or Mom beats Dad, maybe the parents are having heated argument and the whole house is on fire, the kids get scared.
Some cry because they hate it, it gets them very angry and crazy. Sometimes it makes them feel and think they don’t deserve you. They feel less valued, they are always moody in school and when they are alone, when they go out or in school, they don’t want to come home because the experience they are passing through at home is bigger than their age.
Mentally, they are not stable, emotionally they are extremely down. They feel like running away and never coming back. If parents are always arguing, it puts the kids in a state they think to the extreme.
This usually comes after being depressed, and must have thought of the best possible solution to avoid seeing the same problem again.
Suicide is the most dangerous effect of domestic violence on kids. Recently, a religious man shared with me a story of how he met a teenager on her way to commit suicide. He talked to the teenager and was trying to encourage her to move closer to God.
After a short chat, the girl open up that she’s on her way to kill herself.
Very surprised, this man asked why, because whatever will make a teenager think of suicide must be something bigger what her age could take. Then she opened up “It’s my parents, they are always fighting, every time they fight, I feel very helpless. I don’t want them to fight, but it seems there is nothing I can. So now, I’ve concluded that the best possible way to stop seeing them fight again is to leave them forever” scary and painful, right?
So, this man took it upon himself and followed her home to help in any way he can.
The truth is, many kids have run away from home, its certain this is not the first kid in the world that must have contemplated on suicide as a result of domestic violence at home.
Not every girl or lady living a wayward or very weird life now is a as result of friends. When parent fights all the time, Automatically the kids are exposed to what they are not supposed to know. As kids, what they need is care, love, direction, fun, guidance. What they need is to live as normal kid. And domestic violence takes away the love and care they deserve.
So, they start living the way they want at a very tender age because they lack the basic things , and before you know it, that way of life grows with them to a point parents might not be able to correct such kid. This is because they planted a seed in such child when he or she was young, now the seed is fully grown with many branches.
Copying their Parental Style
In most cases of domestic violence, the kids are at the receiving end because they see the parent as the mirror, so whatever the parent does is what they believe is right.
As one of the effects of domestic violence on kids, especially on male kids, they could feel like “maybe that’s how marriage is supposed to be”. “Maybe wives are meant to be shout at or beaten”.
And a female child could feel maybe all men are the same, “maybe men needed to be treated bad, or beaten before they can get things right”.
If care is not taken, this could become a generational issue, kids copying from parents, leaving the same legacy for their kids, and their kids copying and leaving it for the next and on and on.
Scared of Marriage
Lastly it could make kids hate marriage, seeing what their parents are doing and feeling very sad, it’s obvious they don’t want that life. If care isn’t taken, such kids could grow up not getting married because they don’t want the repetition of their parent’s type of marriage.
In another case, such kids could find it hard selecting the right partner for themselves because they could be too careful and end up with their worst fear.
Even when the person that wants them is in front of them making all efforts, their being too careful could make them feel it’s too easy or start feeling “what if he or she ends up like my dad or mom” “maybe there is a better person for me out there” “let me taste someone else” forgetting nature bless some of us with the right person easily than others.
Some of them may even decide not to get married so as to avoid bad marriage due to the experience they’ve been exposed to
Domestic violence is an experience kids should never be exposed to; it takes away their expected childhood memories and replace them with poisonous experiences.
Effects of domestic violence could go as far as taking a child’s life. But this can always be avoided if proper preparations are done before marriage.
For those that have not gotten married reading this, you might be interested in reading one of my articles where I spoke about the types of partners you should not get married to, and if you are married already, please think of your kids before embarking on “ I will show him what I’m capable of” or “I will put her in her place and show her I’m the man”
Try to sit down and sort things out, no marriage is perfect, there are always things to work on even after marriage, don’t expose your flaws to your kids in the wrong way. If you know you’ve tried every possible way and it’s not working, leave peacefully for the future of your kids and your health. Be careful and be safe. Cheers